6 Things Only Weed Snobs Do
Weed snobs can be found everywhere. They are both obvious and subtle with persuasive and repellent humble-brags: “I would never combust my flower!” Weed snobs aren’t bad people though — they’re the backbone of the legal cannabis industry. Without numerous self-declared ‘cannasseurs’ across the United States, the legal industry would have flailed and floundered. Instead, business is booming and cannabis ‘experts’ can be found everywhere, including places where pot isn’t even legal yet.
Want to elevate your own tastes? Read on. This guide will give everything you need to develop unparalleled tastes in cannabis. Leave those stem-smoking high-chasing Luddites you call friends behind, and develop the palette of a true connoisseur. You’re not here to get high — you’re here for the experience. Want to learn how to be a weed snob? Read on, you asshole!
Study weed websites
Learn as much as you can about cannabis. Read and research the history of cannabis; learn about how it is grown; study the strains and terms and phrases and products on the market— if you want to recognize the best, you need to learn your shit. Weed snobs might spout a lot of crap, but if you want to take one on in conversation, you MUST appear educated.
Ask a lot of questions
Weed snobs aren’t content with just smoking weed, they need to be connected to it. The next time you smoke with ‘friends,’ don’t let them escape without telling you everything about the herb on tap. Where did they get the weed, who grew the weed, what strain is the weed, is the weed organic, are the parent strains heirlooms? If you don’t know, you’re not a real snob. It doesn’t matter if they just want to ‘hang out,’ you have to know.
Show off your weed knowledge
A good weed sommelier shares as much information as they can. Insist on giving as much knowledge as possible about cannabis to your fellow tokers. True snobs usually do this in a short time frame, ensuring that everyone’s attention span fades quickly. Talk to your pals about all your experience feminizing seeds while they’re trying to get high. They will appreciate your insight, I’m sure.
Always discuss flavor
It is essential to discuss the flavor and scent of the cannabis you are sampling. True weed snobs around the world care just as much about the taste as they do the high. “Ohh the flavor profile is so strong with this one, can you taste the chocolate honeycomb peppermint cheese undertones?” No? Then step your game up.
Overuse stoner catchphrases
Weed snobs are masters of rhetoric. Do your best to do the same and you will easily pass for a true weed snob. Boutique, euphoric, combust, aroma, terpenes, terpenoids, flavor profile, flavonoids and cannaflavins. Also, remember that true weed snobs don’t smoke weed anymore: combusting your weed is for the poor people.
Give up flower
Weed snobs don’t smoke weed: they vaporize, they dabble in edibles and they dab. Concentrates provide a much more flavorful cannabis experience, and honestly man, burning your weed is just such a waste. Give up the flower in favor of new fancy cannabis products and get high off fancy chai tea and honey sticks. Smoking weed is for losers!
You know, some people’s standards are simple: will it get me high?