Weed is a truly magical herb. Like Jesus, it can heal the sick, turn water into wine (or at least make weed tea and coffee), and bring one to heaven.
Unfortunately, it can also make you fat and lazy. We all know that one stoner that refuses to leave his or her parents’ basement, smoking bowls all day, watching Netflix, and in general getting nowhere in life. Weed can rob you of your ambition and make you feel like nothing else but smoking matters. The days turn into weeks, weeks turn into years, and soon you’re just a giant pot leaf sitting on the sofa.
Bad stoner! Don’t do that. Control the way you use pot—don’t let it control you. Some of the most hardworking people in the world smoke weed every day, because they know how to smoke and work at the same time. Here’s our guide to being a productive stoner:
There are two types of weed: indica and sativa. Much has been written about their differences, but it can be summed up in one saying: indica gives you a body high, and sativa gives you a head high.
Indica will knock you out to the point where your friends lay mousetraps on your legs and draw Jigsaw doodles on your face. Sativa will put you in a creative frenzy, cleaning your room or working on the angsty bildungsroman novel you’ve been itching to write. But hey—a manic episode’s better for your productivity than a depressive one. Smoke sativa to be a productive stoner.
Here’s a screenshot of my computer screen when I need to write.
That’s right. I’ve gone “full caveman.” I’ve eliminated my dock, hidden the menu bar, and turned off Wi-Fi.
If you smoke and fail to eliminate distractions, you’ll be browsing through Facebook for hours. Don’t do that. Figure out what project(s) you want to work on, smoke, and then focus. Turn off your phone if you must.
Don’t smoke too much
In my high school days, I used to smoke a blunt, drink a coffee, then head to the cafe and work. Now that I smoke less and my tolerance is down, I’ll only smoke a full blunt at night – otherwise, my head will be a swirling mix of intrusive thoughts, creative sprouts and existential anxiety for the day, making it impossible for me to focus on my work. So I usually do a half-blunt, joint, or bowl if I’m smoking before I work.
PRO TIP: Spliffs are great for productivity. It’s not too much weed, and the nicotine will give you an extra boost.
Smoke in the morning
For 90% of people, their body follows the same circadian rhythm. Energy peaks in the morning, plateaus around noon, and falls for the rest of the day. I’ve made this handy graph to illustrate it for you.
Weed will almost always decrease your energy, so in order to optimize your smoking habit, either smoke early in the morning—where your rising energy levels will counteract the effects of weed—or late in the afternoon or evening, as a way to relax. If you smoke early enough in the morning, you’ll sober up by noon, which will allow you to conserve your energy levels and not knock out for a 4-hour nap in the afternoon.
Pair it with another drug
Like a painter and his palette, so too can you use mix-and-match drugs to create your desired effect. Weed and Xanax will make you feel drowsy. Weed and lean will make you feel like Lil Wayne. Weed and molly will send you into a pyschosis from which you may never emerge…
Two combinations for weed that are good for being a productive stoner:
- Weed & caffeine: In the morning, try pairing weed with a nice cup of hot coffee. At night, try it with a cold, sugar-free Red Bull.
- Weed & Adderall: This is a fun one. The Adderall will rein in your focus and the weed will make you feel creative. Recommended if you’re pulling an all-nighter or working on schoolwork.
NOTE: Cannahacker does not endorse illegal activities. Use drugs at your own discretion.
The fact of the matter is, you’re usually most productive when you’re not high. Most stoners figure out by their mid-20s that they can’t smoke weed all day, every day if they want to be a functional human being. Use weed like a glass of wine—after coming home from a long day at work, roll up a nice joint, eat food, and work on some more relaxing tasks if you need to. And there’s no better incentive to finish up that last hour of work at the office if you know you’re coming home to a nice bowl or blunt.
We need rewards to motivate ourselves. As a wise man once told me, “Treat yourself like a dog, and make weed your bone.”
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