dealer etiquette
Source: Sony Pictures

If you’re reading this, it’s probably because interactions with dealers that you don’t know too well can be a little unsettling to even the most seasoned smokers. Here are some etiquette tips that will make the situation a bit more relaxed for both parties.  This article is part of our series on Weed Etiquette. Check out the rest of the series here!

If you’re not lucky enough to live in an area where marijuana has been legalized, you might still have to deal with the sometimes murky situations of buying on the black market. Whether you are a seasoned smoker or relatively new to this community, there are a number of basic pieces of etiquette to follow when interacting with a new dealer.

1. Get an introduction

waving hello

The easiest way to find a supplier is to ask around, so make sure to ask for a decent introduction. Nearly all dealers work on an introduction system and appreciate if you ask before sharing their contact information. This helps to protect them from unpredictable, irresponsible buyers, and obviously to protect their privacy as well. One of the biggest problems smokers face is paranoia about getting busted, so the best rules to follow are to be responsible and only deal with trusted folks. Even if you don’t get a literal introduction, use social proof (for example, I know Todd and he said that you could hook me up) in your first communication with a new dealer.

2. Be discreet

Getting the hang of it... Source: Pineapple Express
Getting the hang of it… Source: Pineapple Express

You don’t want a dealer that doesn’t value discretion. This is a red flag, as this dealer is more likely to be one that gets busted, or even piss off his or her own suppliers. With that in mind, be discrete, especially in early communications. Don’t send a text asking for “melon” or “grass”, or whatever the local slang is, and hope for the best.Instead, mention that you’re looking to buy and let them ask the questions. Most dealers have particular ways of doing things, and being “that guy” who blatantly asks for weed in a text can be all it takes to ensure you don’t get any.

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3. Learn the local slang

I recently moved across the country and I can tell you that slang really does change everywhere you go. It’s much easier to find other smokers than it is to find dealers, so finding a group and learning from them can be a huge help. The ever-popular “Can you hook me up?” tends to work nearly everywhere.

4. Use the Bathroom in Advance…

Poor Marceline. Source: Adventure Time

One of the weird, but basic, things to consider is to remember to use the facilities in advance of your transaction. If you’re in a mall, restaurant, or even your dealer’s place, it can be unsettling for you to suddenly leave to use the restroom. And if you’re out in a park or the wilderness, you don’t want to be sitting around wishing you had emptied your bladder in advance.

5. Don’t leave Anything Behind

forgotten phone
Image Source:

Make sure that you aren’t entering or leaving your dealer’s place too high to function. You should ensure that you aren’t leaving things behind like a drunken teenager after a deal. If its at the dealer’s place, you run the risk of souring the relationship, and if its in public, even worse. If its anything like the Subway in my hometown, they probably know what you were just up to, and only get frustrated when you keep using their establishment.

6. Invest in the relationship

Sell drugs, make money
Source: Weeds

This is an ongoing thing, and relationships between dealers and patrons, like any other relationship, requires trust. You need to be ready for an ongoing relationship with this individual, and you need to know that you’re in the weaker position. Drug dealers are in a position where they are putting their butt on the line to sell an illegal substance. Their priorities are focused on themselves over you or your buddy’s dankruptcy. Just because you’re after some weed, doesn’t mean that’s all he’s dealing. Dealers tend to be paranoid, rightfully, so you’re going to have to play by their rules. You can find dozens of weird dealer stories from just about every smoker out there… so you can rest assured that you’ll have your own stories to tell some day too.

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7. Just be decent

Throughout the process of a deal, you should take special care to do the small things that go with any other business relationship. Be polite (within reason), and show up ready for the deal, for starters. This goes for all number of small things too – don’t try to pay in one-dollar bills, be on time, and generally don’t try to screw the other party around. It’s the same kind of basic manners that your parents should have taught you.

When you embark on a new relationship journey with a drug dealer, remember that it’s best for all parties for this to be an ongoing business relationship. Dealers prefer having a handful of trusted, regular customers rather than dozens of sporadic, one-timers. Therefor, you should treat it like any business relationship where you’re in the position to get “fired”, and be consistent, dependable, and responsible. It can be difficult to find a good drug dealer, and maintaining that relationship means that you’re going to have to put effort into it and make sure that things go smoothly.