Visiting family can be a trip, but it rarely feels like a vacation. If you’re a cannabis connoisseur, balancing the herb and your racist uncle can prove to be tricky business.
If you intend to bring a little weed along to help ease some of the chores and tasks you inevitably end up stuck with, here are some rules you should know. If you follow them, you’ll never have to worry about getting caught or offending anyone. (If your family is cool with it then you’ve got luck on your side and don’t need this guide!).
What To DO When Visiting Family
Do: Smoke away from your home! Yes, you’re an adult, but they’re still your parents. Respect their home, and keep it out of the house. The best bet you’ve got would be while you’re running errands (“Got to head out to pick up some drinks!”) or otherwise outdoors.
Do: Erase all traces of your high-ness. When smoking, the smelliest parts of your body will be your hands and face. Before coming back to face the family, wash your hands thoroughly with soap and throw some water on your face. Pop a mint in, and put in some Visine.
Do: Pace yourself. Even if your family partakes on their own, don’t be the guy who gets totally fried on his grandmother’s couch. You can do that on your own time, when your aunt isn’t there to take pictures and share them with her knitting group.
Do: Control your munchies, to the extent that you can! There’s nothing more obvious than coming back from a smoke session with your cousin and raiding the fridge, eating yourself into a shitfaced oblivion. In short: be inconspicuous in your eating, as in all things.
What To AVOID When Visiting Family
Don’t: Interrupt family activities. If you’re going to smoke at home, don’t do it right before a Sunday outing or in the middle of a reunion. We’re trying to break down the stereotypes, all right? If your family doesn’t approve of the herb, the last thing you want to do is sit down to Monopoly night at 9, make it obvious that you’re high, and force your uncle to explain to his niece later that “sometimes cousins can have their little problems…”
Don’t: Whatever you do, don’t try to force your habit on any of your family members. If you know they’re already biased against marijuana the only thing you’ll end up doing is hurting how you look like to them. There’s appropriate ways to do things like that — whipping out a joint in front of Ma isn’t one.
Pro-tip: If you want to see who of your family members smokes, bring it up indirectly with your family of age. Ask your cousins what they think of marijuana legalization and see whose eyes light up. Ask, sarcastically, “Who’s got the doobs?” See if anyone answers affirmatively, then say, “I’m serious.”
Don’t: Leave any obvious physical trace of your toking. The author, here, could stop to detail a ridiculous anecdote in which his father found a resinated, still-smoking bong sitting in the downstairs bathroom. (I was stoned and thought I’d slipped it into my pocket!). Don’t let this happen to you: leave the swisher sweet, bong, whatever – outside. If you’re not a cigarette smoker, even leaving a lighter behind could raise some suspicion with Ma and Pa.
Just because you’re going home doesn’t mean you have to give up smoking weed. You’ve just got to be more conscious of what it is you’re doing and where you’re at, and adjust your toking techniques accordingly.