Stoner Survival Guide for the Walking Dead Season 6 Premiere
I don’t know about you, but I’ve had October 11th circled in big, bloody marker as soon as the date of the Season 6 premiere was announced. As a fan of first the comics and now the show I am literally on the edge of my seat awaiting its arrival. My prediction: we’ll finally get to meet Negan, either at the end of season 6 or (dare I say) the beginning of season 7. Negan is a famous character from the comics and if you don’t know what I’m talking about, run out and grab The Walking Dead Omnibus now.
Enough about the show, let’s talk about what a fan of the show—who is also a fan of the green—will need to stay equipped for the premiere. When it comes to you and your buds, I always preach the scripture of the three H’s: Herb, Hydration, and Hello snacks!
When I say herb I don’t just mean bringing your stash and some papers; variety is the spice of life and someone who is down to smoke should be prepared not only to smoke, but to smoke smart. That means matching the cadence of the show, and taking advantage of the commercial breaks.
Bring papers or a pipe to pass around when the action is onscreen. Papers are the best option and pre-roll ahead of time. With this option you can focus on our survivalist heroes without having to look away to fiddle with your pipe or bong. That being said, don’t leave your bong at home.
A bong is a solid remedy for a commercial break; a pause in the action where you don’t have to watch the screen. My advice: take this opportunity to insert a few bong rips. They’re commercials, you’re not missing anything.
Not everyone is so lucky to be able to smoke indoors, and if you have to take your herbal enjoyment outdoors remember, commercial breaks don’t last forever. It can be all too easy to step out and spark up only to come back in and find that you have to wait until the rerun is on to catch up on what you missed.
Smoke smarter, everybody is packing a cellphone and even the flip-iest of flip phones comes with a timer. Time one of AMC’s average commercial breaks to see how much time you have to light up. Keep a pre-packed pipe by the door to further expedite the process and there you have it: speedy in and outs for smoking on the sly.
The second ‘h’, hydration, is a must for long and involved smoke sessions to keep you at your best. Not only will it combat the formation of a desert in your mouth but you probably don’t drink enough anyway. Listen to your mother, drink more water.
Snacks are a must for any show, but all the more so important when you succumb to a powerful case of the munchies. Some people go all out; they either order massive quantities of food or prepare a bunch in advance. Alternatively you could just hit the chips aisle at the grocery store.
Remember it’s not going to just be you there, plan ahead for the party. Transfer chips to bowls so that more people can have access at once and so that the crinkling bag doesn’t interfere with your enjoyment of the show. Put dips in bowls, then on plates so that drips don’t make quite such a big mess.
If you’ve ordered food, do it ahead of time so that everything arrives before the show starts. The last thing you need to be doing is tearing apart the couch looking for loose change to give the pizza guy while Rick Grimes is fighting for survival.
Not content to settle for store bought snacks? Do you have an arts and crafts streak in addition to a sweet tooth? Try these cookies that look like severed fingers or these edible eyeballs for a truly memorable premiere party. Just be sure to make them well ahead of time. Save the recipes, your grandmother will love them for Halloween favors. Me? I’ll stick to the Funyuns.
In the event of a zombie apocalypse: know your exits, remember that guns run out of bullets, and keep your stash safe.