“To smoke or not to smoke, that is the question.” —William Shakespeare
I’ve been on a good deal of first dates in my lifetime. One of the hardest parts, especially as a guy, is knowing exactly what to do—like driving past a defender in basketball, it’s a careful dance of showing direction but responding to feedback. Where do I take her? Should I give her options? Do I ask her to come back to my place? Should I kiss her? Should I ask to kiss her?
Smoking adds a whole other factor into that equation. People respond differently to the good herb. Some become anxious, some become introverted, some find that their place on the “indigo child” spectrum increases and they become increasingly sensitive to light, loud voices, and aggressive deeds.
In an age where the first date is so often “Netflix and chill,” it can be tempting to use smoking as a pretense for hooking up. There’s definitely an argument for and against smoking on the first date, and in true “journalistic” fashion, we’re here to give you both sides on whether to smoke weed on the first date.
If you’ve known someone for a while, and you guys are both stoners, then saying “let’s smoke weed on the first date” is a great euphemism for “let’s hook up.” After all, smoking is a very intimate act—two people sharing a private little ceremony in a secluded space. And since you’re already familiar with each other, you know the attraction is there. You just have to act on it.
In fact, when I’ve already been on a couple dates with a girl, by saying “let’s go back to your room and smoke,” we’re saying, “let’s consummate the relationship.” Hell yeah.
In the world of online dating, especially with first dates, the situation—and stakes—are different. Sure, if you both have “420 friendly” on your Tinder profile, then smoking makes perfect sense for your first meet-up, right?
Not so fast.
Don’t get me wrong. I love smoking with my significant other. There are few things in life finer than inviting a girl over, rolling up a blunt, ordering food, and watching a movie. In fact, in the aftermath of such actions, lying awake and cuddling with said girl, I often think, “This is the point of life—I work hard so I can relax like this.”
But, as I said earlier, smoking induces all sorts of neurotic reactions in people, especially if they’re not comfortable with each other yet. The first time I smoked with a girl, it was my junior year of high school. She was an attractive, popular girl who had taken a liking to my—as she described it—“quirky” ways. To ease the tension, I thought we’d smoke a bowl. Big mistake. I was soon reduced to an incoherent mess resembling the spaghetti monster—flailing my arms, spitting out breathless inanities, moving around the room in a chaotic frenzy. We remain friends to this day, but needless to say, we didn’t hook up again after that.
So usually, I lay off for the first date, at least until the end. I now envision smoking on the first date the way I once did with a Parisian girl in Shanghai—after making love, we sat by the window, played Cat Stevens, and blew smoke towards the sky.
But most importantly, by smoking on the first date—before you hook up—you venture into grey territory with consent. When you smoke with someone you don’t know, you may get anxious and paranoid, or scared to say no to someone’s advances. Smoking is definitely not as powerful as alcohol, and I haven’t heard stories about people being assaulted on weed, but I’ve certainly smoked with people who couldn’t keep up with my tolerance and were unfit to do anything but sober up.
I remember once smoking with a girl—it was our third date, I believe—and she laid out in the bed, her eyes spiraling into another dimension, and said “Dude, I am way too high.” I knew then that to make a move would be disastrous, and so I just got her water and made sure she was comfortable. Afterwards, she texted me to say that how much she appreciated that.
If you’re going to smoke, smoke when you two have already established some sort of intimacy or have hooked up already. No one wants to be pressured into hooking up—or having their advances rejected—while high. It’s a total harshing of your mellow. It can be summed up in one saying: If you’re going to smoke weed on the first date, smoke after hooking up.
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